Finding comfort in your excess skin may be the biggest journey of them all. For me, it did not come overnight. I was someone who thought that I would have bariatric surgery (gastric bypass) and have a bunch of plastic surgery to get all my excess skin tucked and lifted. It is just what I thought I would want to do to feel my best. I was willing to do this.
First and foremost, I think plastic surgery is great. I am a huge advocate of plastic surgery and doing what every individual needs and wants to do to look and feel their best. I get botox every 3-4 months and I got Kybella when I reached my goal weight. Kybella is a fat eating acid that is done in the office by a certified injector (RN) or plastic surgeon to treat submental fat in the neck or double chin area. It is permanent and has little recovery time. It is a great alternative to a neck lift if you meet a certain criteria. I am all about doing what is best for YOU. If plastic surgery is best for you, then you should do it!!
Right after I had gastric bypass, I had complication after complication. I had a very severe post op wound infection, a stricture, they found out I had intestinal malrotation, etc. I talk about all of my post op complications in this post here. Surgeries and Maddie do not usually go well together. I am always the 1% who have complications. When I tell you I am a “hot mess express” this is usually what I am referring to. I am the rare little bird who crazy things happen to. So I just know that if I were to have plastics, I could potentially have complications.
Reaching My Goal Weight
The day that I reached my “goal weight” the anxiety set in. I am not sure why, but this is a real thing. The pressure to stay at this weight and the thought that the scale is not going to continue to go down and that it may begin to go up was terrifying.
Each day when I looked in the mirror when I was naked, I was not happy with what I saw. This was when I was most critical of my body. By this point, I had been exercising regularly but all I saw was stretch marks and was so unfamiliar with the reflection I saw in the mirror. All I could focus on was the saggy skin.
So I would throw on compression clothing and do my best to stand tall at all times to “suck it in” in every photo! Which is not at all bad! I still wear my Ruby Ribbon compression clothing when I dress up and want to tuck in my excess skin and that is okay! Compression undergarments are amazing and I will always wear them when I want to wear a tight dress or tight top or for special occasions. It is just time I share my skin with you all since I am in comfortable with it.
Changing My Mindset
Every time I looked in the mirror, I began to look at my stretch marks and skin a little differently. I would take a moment to look at my “before” photos and reflect on all that I had been through. First and foremost I looked at the will and determination in my eyes in those photos. I had vowed never to give up. Even if it meant that I would be left with excess skin and tons of stretch marks. I remembered how bad my feet used to ache as I walked almost a mile to the baseball stadium to watch my favorite team play. I remembered all that my body had been through. All the lives that I had touched throughout my nursing career; all the hands that I had held of patients that were taking their last breaths. All the family members of those patients that I had comforted on the worst days of their lives.
And then I realized that I am so much more than my stretch marks and excess skin. I AM A STRONG WOMAN. I HAVE MADE IT. This body and these stretch marks are beautiful, every last one of them. They are battle scars. They show every pound that I have gained and lost and they are proof that I have not only lost the weight, but each and everyday when I see them they are evidence that I have kept it off. They have turned into my most favorite part of my body. They are my beauty marks.
Applying This To Your Story
I am certain that many of you are moms, daughters, fathers, sons, have extremely important roles at work, etc. Take a moment and think of all the amazing things in your life that you have accomplished. Think of all the meals you have cooked and prepared for your family. All the times you have held and rocked your baby to sleep. All the tears you have wiped from your child’s eyes.
I can guarantee that who you are as a person has little to do with your stretch marks or excess skin. Not that you are not allowed to feel a certain way about them. Your feelings are valid about your body. Many of us spend hours a day thinking about our bodies and body image. I still do. We are humans and we are wired to want to look good and desirable. But developing a loving relationship with your body can be life changing.
Many of those stretch marks are from growing your belly to carry your beautiful children. THAT IS A BEAUTIFUL THING! We as women are so hard on ourselves. I do not know anything more amazing than the fact that we create, carry, birth, and feed a child with our bodies. Yet we are the first to beat up and shame that same body that did that very thing.
What if we treated our bodies as lovingly as we treated our children and our significant others? What if we tried loving it a little more? What if each day we tried looking in the mirror and thinking about all that our bodies have been through and done for us. What if we look at our excess skin as a beauty mark, a badge of honor, a sign of actually keeping off the hundreds of pounds we have worked so hard to lose.
Ange Simson @gratitude_project said something profound that has never left me. She said “it took me 32 years to realize a soft tummy doesn’t make me unattractive. But walking around ashamed of it does.” And honestly, it took me 32 years to realize it too. It also took me 32 years to fall absolutely head over heels in love with my body. Every last square inch of it.
I don’t think I would change a single thing about my body right now. I am so content and happy with the body that I am living in. Never in a million years did I think that I would be able to say or type such a statement. Some of it has been personal work that I have put in, some of it has been words of affirmation that I have continued to tell myself, some has been growing through tragedies, but mostly it is just me – falling in love with me.
To Sum It All Up
One thing that I have learned is that my body and its physical appearance is the absolute least interesting thing about me. My personality, my character, my soul, my attitude, the work that I do, the people in my life, my heart, and the way that I treat people is what truly matters. The size and softness of my belly truly is irrelevant to all of that.
I have found the glitter in my stretch marks and the beauty in my scars and I adore them. I want to keep them; they belong to me. They make me who I am and they are beautiful. In a world that sometimes considers stretch marks to be imperfect, I consider them to be perfect. Not even “perfectly imperfect” – just perfect.
xoxo Maddie
